Chapter 7 | Interpersonal Communication - Part 2
(Part 2 out of 2)
Rohn says he was very lucky to meet Earl Shoaff during those five years.
Throughout that period of time, over dinner, on a flight somewhere, at business conferences, in a private conversation between the two or in a group conversation, Mr. Shoaff shared with him all kinds of ideas, that made Rohn change his way of thinking and acting.
The daily changes, some real small and some very important, accumulated to be most significant and meaningful after a year… three years… and five years.
A major part of this relationship with Mr. Shoaff, was going over the ideas again and again, because there is no such thing as "excessively" hearing the basics and the life philosophy.
Another thing was Mr. Shoaff’s ability to examine and evaluate Rohn’s progress - it’s crucial that you or preferably someone else, will review and assess your progress.
Rohn remembers the day when he first wrote down his goals, after hearing a lecture by Mr. Shoaff. the list contained four or five items only.
He showed it to Mr. Shoaff, which in return asked him: "Is this your list?" Rohn naturally replied: "Yes."
Mr. Shoaff then asked what every successful person would have wisely asked:
"What about goals regarding your health, for example?" - Rohn didn’t write any goals having to do with his health...
"What about your investment goals?" – investment goals were also missing from the list.
Finally Mr. Shoaff started "shooting" questions one by one: "What about your family goals, what about your sharing and charity goals, who would you like to meet, who would you like to become, which skills would you like to develop, have you thought about writing a book maybe, what about education to your children, do you want to be free of debt, what about a personal library full of every best seller you can think of, what about setting a goal to meet new people \ make new friends, maybe go skydiving, would you like to visit Rome or Paris, would you like to own a ranch or a country house, is there something you want to prove or substantiate, an imprint you'd like to leave on history???".
One main thought ran in Rohn’s head and to tell the truth in my head too, and you must have thought of it also when reading the dialogue above – wow, what a mind-opening conversation!!
This is just one of many conversations, held by the two men during those five years.
It’s really a great help when you have someone to ask the right questions.
Remember, the answers are not necessarily the main thing – the questions are not less important. Some of the most valuable influences come from people with skills and awareness to ask the crucial questions.
Here's a project you should consider:
Pick two or three people you appreciate and respect.
Ask them to prepare a list of the principal questions they would ask, if for example they wanted to help someone make the right choices that will lead him to a successful and happy life.
Once you receive the lists, you'll be surprised to see the difference between them.
Successful people look at life from a variety of experiences and from different angles of approach.
Now with the help of these questions, you’ll have enough homework for the next couple of years...
Over the years, during your constant learning, you may find questions or goals that initially seemed minor but today are of great importance, and vice versa.
It is you who went through a change - not the questions.
When reading any text or listening to a lecture, having additional tools and knowledge "under your arm" – takes your reading and listening to a whole new level.
The wisdom you’ll gain from reading a text at this new level, could be the next key to your wealth and happiness.
Additional highlights on interpersonal communication:
1. Make sure you have something clever to say: prepare in advance, acquire knowledge and experience, be curious (about people, countries, style, food, business, music etc.).
It’s typical of people with limited or superficial knowledge, try to make an impression of their “immense” knowledge - don’t be one of them.
2. Be sensitive: one has many reasons to be nervous, sad, disappointed... Try to understand and be sympathetic - people will appreciate it and react accordingly.
3. Vocabulary: a rich vocabulary will allow you to say things in fewer words, will allow you to understand other people with a large vocabulary.
Language has the ability to determine the happiness, wealth, success, the relationship with a spouse and any other thing you can think of...
4. Style: build yourself a style, make your own style - expressions, hand gestures.
5. Words and action: it’s not enough only to take action and it’s not enough only to write / talk. Why not do both? Giving flowers to your wife or girlfriend is wonderful, but you must add a little note too...
6. Read your audience: by observing them (body language, gestures), hearing them (and respond to their certain reaction) and by feeling them.
7. Power and intensity: meaning, the power and feelings you project... A word has a great impact, but a word with feelings has greater intensity (in the dictionary love is just a word, but if someone special tells it to you, it has a stronger meaning).
On the other hand, learn to control your feelings because words can be harmful too.
Use the power of feelings wisely: Going rabbit hunting with a cannon wouldn’t be efficient, would it?...
8. Empathize: when people empathize with you and / or when you empathize with others, you, in fact, create a bridge between you and them, with the experiences you shared together.
For example: if you're talking to a 12-year-old kid, the bridge will be going back to the time you were his age (for he can’t bring up memories from a time he was 40 years old, right?).
Find common ground with the person you’re talking to.
9. Learn to confront the problem and not the individual: give examples to the problem from your personal experience: "Look, from my personal experience…" or "That happened to me once and..."; give examples of people who aren’t present (“a third party") and finally if you see you have no choice, point to him where you think he's wrong - do it carefully.
If during a conversation you get too excited or angry, explain to the person opposite you, you're not angry at him.
Make him understand you’re angry at the situation, feeling, place, thing, etc...
10. The power to persuade: be a great lecturer / speaker; if you're talking to kids, talk in a manner they will understand.
Be honest and forthright, challenge your listener, share personal stories and experiences with him, make sure what you ask of him is actually easier and more profitable than what you promise.
11. Don't talk dirty: eloquence has never pushed people away.
No one will ever ask you: "Why aren’t you cursing?”, right?
12. Change bad habits: if you have the tendency to be late, change it.
Sit up straight, get up to greet someone, say “hi”, shake his hand - it will make people respect you more.
13. Impression: think about how you want people you’ve met to remember you.
Write down a code of conduct.
14. Show leadership: take full responsibility for your actions, set an example for others, develop self-control and determination, have a strong sense of justice, do more than is required of you, collaborate with others and educate for excellence.
Regarding leadership, keep these expressions in mind:
"He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander" - Aristotle.
"What you cannot enforce, do not command" - Sophocles.
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity" - George Patton.
"Do not fall into the trap of ignoring the obvious" – Rabbi Moshe Hayim Luzzatto, Jewish philosopher.
I presume you’ll make good use of these quotes.
To sum it up - strive to be the person successful people want to relate with, become a man of language skills, of strong self-discipline, positive attitude, a man of culture, wisdom and leadership.
You’ll benefit extraordinarily from your reputation, your name will attract interesting people to you.
Remember, in order to attract valuable people to you - you must be of value yourself.
* Never underestimate the power of influence.
* Three questions to evaluate your relationships:
A. Who are the people surrounding me?
B. What am I doing because of them?
C. Is it o.k?
* Three steps you should make if you don't like the answers:
A. Cut off the relationship.
B. Restrict the relationship.
C. Make new relationships.
* Positive influence can have a strong impact on your life, but so does negative influence. Both will get you somewhere – only one will get you to your goal / dream
* For only a small investment you can meet great people.
* Build your plan to success - with the help of successful people.
* Don’t build your plans, especially your economic plan, with the help of unsuccessful people.
* Ask yourself where you're going and who you're meeting in order to expand your education, where you "eat" your “intellectual meal". Find yourself a good "restaurant".
* One way to connect with influential people is through books they wrote or lectures they gave. Maybe you can’t meet them all, but you certainly can read their books.
* Remember, the answers are not necessarily the main thing – the questions are no less important. Some of the most valuable influences come from people with skills and awareness to ask the crucial questions.
* Over the years, during your constant learning, you may find questions or goals that initially seemed minor but today are of great importance, and vice versa. It's you who went through a change - not the questions.
* Learn the highlights that will enrich your communication with others.
Continue to Chapter 8 | The Art of Setting Goals